Is Sexual Frustration Getting the Better of You?
As a man, your brain/body connection is wired sexually. What this means is thatyou can randomly (and frequently) have rampant sexual thoughts or feelingsthroughout the day. While you cannot stop sexual thoughts from reoccurring, youcan stop them in their tracks.
Sexual arousal is often an unwanted intrusion on your ability to focus. It can beirritating and annoying when your mind needs to be focused on other important tasks.
Because any of your five senses can trigger sexual arousal, it’s really important toknow exactly how to control and regulate arousal – so you can stop it fromdriving you crazy!
A common misperception amongst men is that you have to ejaculate to releasesexual tension. That’s a myth. The truth is that you can turn your sexual arousalon and off as easy as flicking a switch (as you will soon find out.) But there’s alsoa real danger which is caused by suppressing your sexual arousal… which is whatyou often do when you think you have ejaculate, but have no way of doing so.
The Harm in Repressing Sexual Arousal
When you suppress your sexual arousal (by trying to make it go away) it usuallytakes 3 or 4 minutes to settle down or can leave you feeling sexually frustrated forhours. Either way – it can be irritating when you need to put your attentionelsewhere.
But the worst thing that happens every time you suppress sexual arousal, is thatyou interfere (create road-blocks) in the communication between your brain andyour penis.
This can cause MAJOR problems later in life – at about age forty you may noticethat your erections aren’t quite as hard as they used to be or you sometimes havetrouble attaining or maintaining a hard erection during sex.
Suppressing sexual arousal will also lead to a lower libido – you just won’t feel ashorny as you used to. This isn’t caused by age; it is caused by suppressing yourarousal over a long period of time – and is a common problem among older men.
For some men, the problem is at the other end of the scale. When a man feelshuge amounts of sexual tension building throughout the day, he can find it toodifficult to focus on his woman in a non-sexual way and provide the emotionalsupport which she first needs before turning on, to sex.
If he doesn’t turn her off sex by his lack of emotional connection and obvioussexual neediness; then he can feel so wound up with his sexual arousal that hebecomes over excited – and ejaculates prematurely.
Other men just feel so darn sexually frustrated, they start coming out with lewdsexual comments to women at work, often earning scathing remarks and missingout on future promotions because of their unruly (and unreliable) behavior.
All of these scenarios are costly to a man’s self esteem – and put unnecessarytension and stress on his relationships with women.
When a man knows how to consciously ‘switch’ to turn his sexual arousal, on andoff (depending on how appropriately timed it is) then he will feel immenselypowerful and in control of himself – instead of feeling sexually compromised,frustrated and alone.
You cannot become aroused unless your awareness is in your genital area. Whenyou have sexual thoughts, or your mind engages in sexual fantasies, it is normalto “relate” those thoughts back to your penis which then creates a pleasurablesensation. If your mind remains focused on these thoughts or on the sensationsin your penis, then you will continue to activate the sexual arousal program.
It’s important to note that the mind will always come back to a subject you don’t have the answers for. So what are the reasons behind your sexualfrustration? Sexual frustration is frequently a side affect of other issues not being dealt with.
For example, if you don’t have a partner, what actions steps are you takingtowards finding a partner? These are the areas you need to focus your attentionon:
• Gain understanding of how to attract a partner
• Gain understanding of how attraction works
• Take steps to become fit and healthy to attract your ideal partner
• Make sure you are fulfilling yourself in all areas of your life to becomemore attractive to a potential partner
• Make sure you are allowing time for a partner in your schedule
• Learn how to fulfill a partner so you can succeed in relationship
If you have a partner, but they have lost interest:
• Determine if there’s something you’re doing during sex which is puttingyour partner off having sex with you
• Ask your partner why they have lost interest in sex
• Do they have health problems which are affecting their libido?
• Gain skills to improve your sexual technique
• Ensure are you fulfilling your partner outside of the bedroom
It’s common for women to lose their libido after childbirth, if they are unable toorgasm, or if they have reached menopause and are experiencing inner vaginaldryness which makes sex painful. All of these problems I can easily resolve.
If, after answering these questions your partner is still not interested in sex (orhas never really been interested in sex) then you may be sexually incompatible -in which case you will experience a life long sexual frustration problem if you staywith that partner.
Once a woman understands that most men need sex like fish need water, she ismore inclined to either a) sort her own sexual issues to regain interest or b) allowher partner to seek sexual fulfillment outside of the relationship.
If your partner lives overseas:Discuss having an open relationship while the partner is overseas in order tofulfill your sexual needs as a human beingDiligently practice the method outlined belowSelf confidence comes from knowledge as well as developing yourself as a person.If you don’t have confidence in the above areas, then you will be constantlythinking about sex and how you can get more of it. If you have any of the aboveproblems, your mind will continually switch back to the subject of sex until youdevelop and improve on your complete sexual strategy.
So put strategies in place to ensure you are dealing with related problems. Thiswill make you feel like you’re taking action to help yourself and will increase youroverall sense of well being.
NB: A partner unwilling to have sex may be regain interest once they understandhow to control their sexual programs so they can feel fulfilled sexually.
3 Easy Steps to Turn Sexual Arousal ‘OFF’ in Just 10 Seconds!
Something to ask yourself is: Can I have sex right now? If the answer is no, thenan emotional response may be triggered. This feels like increased heart rate andmuscle tension. If you try to ignore the emotional response you will switch tomore thoughts about why you think you are feeling that way. Just allow that briefmoment in time and it will pass with the ease of a sneeze.
When you then become focused on a menial task which doesn’t involve yourpenis, the sexual arousal program automatically deactivates in your brain.
Step 1: First, you must bring your attention to your genital area – (at themoment you are stuck on this step.) If you just try and ignore sexual arousal, it’simpossible for your brain to give the command to “turn off” the sexual arousalprogram. You must first “activate” your awareness of the program you want tochange.
For example: hold your arm out to the side and try to ignore it. Trying to ignoreyour arm doesn’t move it down to your side. You may become aware of thediscomfort of your arm tiring after a period of time, but your arm won’t moveuntil your body receives the command from your brain to change your position. Switching your attention to another task which doesn’t involve your arm beingheld out to the side, will make your arm change position to accommodate thatnew task. The same concept applies to your penis and sexual arousal.So, acknowledge that you’re feeling aroused. If the timing’s not appropriate, carryon with step 2.
Step 2: Switch your attention away from your genital area – because if you leaveyour attention in your penis: thinking about why you are horny, flexing yourpenis, squeezing your penis with your hand, thinking about sexual fantasies, orviewing erotic pictures, then your continued sexual focus will keep activating thesexual arousal program in your brain.
The point is that if you TRY NOT TO think about feeling sexually aroused orfrustrated when switching your attention to another subject matter, your mindwill keep coming back to the subject of sex. It’s physiologically impossible to trynot to think about something as this will immediately bring the subject you aretrying to block to the front of your mind. If you try not to think about a black car, what immediately comes to mind?Exactly. While you cannot try not to think about your penis and sexually arousingthoughts, you can switch your attention to another task which doesn’t involveyour penis.
Remember: your conscious mind can only focus on one task at a time.
Which is why it’s important to follow step 2 with step 3.
Step 3 – Switch your focus to a menial task unrelated to sex whichinvolves intricate hand movements.A menial task is a task which requires your mental focus and doesn’t excite you inany way. Tasks which involve concentration and intricate hand movements areespecially effective as they require your full attention mentally. Put your whole attention, your whole mental focus onto executing and completing that menialtask.Some ideal menial tasks include: typing, writing, texting on the phone.
Now I know it’s tempting to return your mind to your penis because thesensations feel good. But when your mind returns to your penis and/or sexualthoughts… you may reactivate the sexual arousal program in your brain, so choseyour next focal point wisely. If you accidentally retrigger the arousal program mentally or physically, simplyrepeat this technique as required.
It’s much easier to provide your conscious mind with a menial task unrelated tosex than to try to stop thinking about your penis and feeling aroused! Admit to yourself that you’re feeling aroused and it feels good, then determinewhether or not the arousal is appropriately timed. If the timing doesn’t work foryou, then switch your whole focus to mindfully completing the intricate details ofa menial task (involving your hands) which requires your full attention.
Now let’s get clear here. This technique won’t stop sexual thoughts and feelingsfrom reoccurring, it just provides you with an effective method of dealing withunwanted sexual arousal each time it is triggered. It’s common for the sexual arousal program to be triggered frequently for males -so you may find it necessary to do this switching technique several timesthroughout the day. If you have a problem, get rid of the problem.
In each instance of arousal, first of all determine whether or not you want to befeeling aroused at that time. Is it appropriate, or inappropriate timing? If youneed the arousal to go away quickly, use this technique. There’s nothing wrongwith enjoying sexual arousal when it is appropriately timed. Remember that youonly have to switch sexual arousal off if you need to focus on another task, orwhen someone is speaking to you and you need to be paying attention. You can switch your arousal on and off; anytime, anywhere – so you are never leftfeeling sexually compromised. On saying that, if you suffer from the inability to attain and maintain a strongerection during sex (or if you ejaculate early) then you will require furthertraining.
Other causes of sexual frustration can include sexual dysfunction problemsincluding premature ejaculation (cumming too fast) erectile dysfunction (weakerections) or from a lack of sexual interest by your partner.
The inability to correctly “switch” is the root cause of most sexual problems. Ifany of the above problems are plaguing you or your partner, then undertake myessential training; so you can stop feeling alone and frustrated – and startenjoying mutually fulfilling relationships.
When you know how to “switch” correctly you are able to get hard, stay hard andonly ejaculate when your partner wants you to. Get the 5 Crucial Rules of Sex
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